Random memories...

I've spent the last few days going over and over the details of how Brian's life ended, the last things he did and said, the last time I saw him and how I was in a spazzy girl tizz over some silly trivial shit. And the fact that being in such a tizz meant I got to spend one last night with him.. I've been so focused on these things that I sometimes feel like I'm forgetting the good times. I can't afford to lose those, so I want to remind myself of who he really was. As I remember more, I'll add more of these...

• The way you used to screw your face up and throw the horns whenever I asked if you were ok..
• The way you used to go off into your own little world and smile at some random thought or memory you never explained to us..
• The way you were so proud of your farts, much to everyone else's chagrin..
• The fact that we both shared the same habit of leaving the best part of a meal til last.. even if that meant not being able to finish it!
• The way you always used to steal cucumber off my plate and stare longingly at my garlic bread if you'd finished your meal first, which ALWAYS happened
• Finishing your meal before me and smugly proclaiming "I win!" and my response of "Yes and your prize is indigestion"
• The endless number of "it's not gay if.." jokes...
• How frustrated you were by my "raspberry proof" clothing sometimes
• The epic pillow fight we had after watching Die Hard 4
• Valentine's day folding (fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!)
• The way you used to blow kisses at me across the table and how cute I always thought that was
• The little loveheart you drew in the air at me on the train back from Damnation
• The endless music and films you forced onto my computer, eating up my hard disk space
• You bouncing around my house at Sal's birthday party on a spacehopper shouting "I'm the meatsafe murderer, only I never done it!"
• Watching the Final Destination DVD and it crashing just as you were about to go home, and you saying it was a sign to stay!
• You being impressed that I was the only girl you knew to admit to crying when Optimus Prime dies in Transformers The Movie (the cartoon version of course)
• Watching the sunrise with you over Attercliffe canal, sitting and hugging and talking all night then crashing at yours watching Robot Chicken and Brass Eye all day...
• How excited I was the first time we eventually kissed and running around telling everyone that "I spent the night with Brian! Ahhhhhhh!!!"
• The first time you said "I love you" - in the back of a taxi in Birmingham on the way back from Eddies
• Curling up next to you in bed, running my fingers through your chest hair and you getting pissed off that I wouldn't leave it alone
• Lots of memories that are far too rude to repeat in polite company...
• That manic laugh you had whenever you found something really really funny
• Your talent for wearing outlandish t-shirts and knowing that no-one else could carry them off quite like you...
• Dancing with you at so many club nights, always you dragging me onto the dancefloor..
• You telling your dad's cat Bagpuss not to give your girlfriend any shit..
• You convincing me to come down to Birmingham for your birthday meal out to meet your family, and then saying how it was the "specialest birthday" you'd had in a long time and I was a big part of it (I still have that message saved)
• Nudge wars on msn
• How unbelievably hot you looked with your lip piercing in and how me telling you that never seemed to convince you to keep it in all the time, damnit...
• GAY!
• FART!

That's all I can think of for now... there's so much more. So much that I wish I'd carried a video camera around with me to record every single moment we had together. I hope that my memory doesn't become hazy over time. At the moment, those memories are all I've got.

Miss you so much babe...

(Photo shamelessly stolen from someone else)